“Unless You Hate Your Father and Mother”: The Heavy Cost

When Jesus said, “If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, he cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:26), His words sounded surprising. How could the One who teaches us to love and honour our parents speak this way? Jesus wasn’t calling us to emotional hatred. He was calling us to priority.

In the language of His day, “hate” meant “to love less.” Jesus was teaching that our loyalty to Him must come before every relationship—even the most precious ones. And for many of us, this is where discipleship becomes costly.

Family shapes who we are. But it can also become a stumbling block without us realizing it.
Some families have strong expectations— “Take care of us first.”
Some provide a sense of security that makes obedience feel risky.
Others are deeply concerned about status and reputation and fear what wholehearted obedience may cost.

These pressures can quietly pull us away from full devotion to God.

A young girl once said to her parents, “I love you, but I love Jesus more.” They could not understand at first. But over time, they saw that choosing Christ did not lessen her love for them—it purified it. Her loyalty to Jesus helped her love them with greater patience, strength, and grace.

Jesus does not ask us to reject our families. He asks us to put Him first, because only then can we love others rightly. When family expectations come above obedience, our convictions weaken. But when Christ is first, everything else falls into its proper place.

Discipleship is costly. It may cost comfort, acceptance, or even approval from those closest to us. But Jesus’ question is gentle and clear: “Do you love Me more?”

He asks this not to take anything away from us, but to give us a love that is whole, free, and steadfast. And often, this very love becomes the testimony that draws our families closer to Him.

Prayer:
Lord Jesus, help me to love You above all else. When family expectations, fears, or pressures rise, give me strength to choose You first. Teach me to love my family with Your love—a love shaped by obedience, courage, and grace. Amen.

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